


Mind Corruption

by Mother_Axolotl



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst, Corrupted Steven Universe, Gen, It's all falling apart and I'm honestly not doing that much to fix it, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-30
Updated: 2019-12-19
Packaged: 2021-01-15 00:49:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 17,339
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21244775
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mother_Axolotl/pseuds/Mother_Axolotl
Summary: Just me wanting some steven!corruption angst since I have become completely obsessedCheck out the original theory (don't know why I didn't add this sooner)https://novantinuum.tumblr.com/post/188153524489/on-the-corruptedsteven-theory





	1. Chapter 1

Steven stood in the basement, feeling the heat of the nearby lava well. He thought back to when this room used to be filled with bubbles. Corrupted gems that had been bubbled away, back when there wasn't any way to help them. Now the room was empty, completely bare except for a lone bubble, floating up above him. Inside was a small orange gemstone. Seemingly tiny, but belonging to a huge quartz soldier, wanting their revenge. He felt like he could hear Jasper swearing against him even from inside the bubble.

The events were hazy, just a blur, everything had transpired so quickly. Amethyst pushing him out of the way, taking the hit and being poofed. Jasper had just walked right past her gem on the floor, barely acknowledging it and coming straight to him, grabbing him by the throat and hoisting him up. 

He couldn't breathe, just clawing at Jasper's grip as she held him up, as she denied everything he'd ever said about his reforms for the empire. He just kept clawing at her hand, not being able to focus on her words as he struggled desperately to get oxygen. 

He shook his head, trying to clear his mind, trying to get rid of the memory. He didn't let himself think about it, wanting to pretend for even a second that it never occurred. But he knew he wouldn't forget, the angry bruise around his neck being a harsh reminder.

He still blamed himself for Jasper being in the bubble now, despite everyone telling him there was nothing he could have done. He hadn't even been the one to bubble her. That credit went to Peridot, swooping in at the last second to save him. But Steven still felt it was his fault for not being able to get through to Jasper, not being able to convince her of how things could be better now.

His powers hadn't worked for him that day. He hadn't been able to do anything to help Amethyst or even himself. They'd been acting up for a while before that. His shield would glitch and disappear whenever he summoned it, and he was barely able to float before he came crashing back down. And his healing powers… 

His powers didn't seem to work at all now. It felt like a part of him was missing, an important part, the part the gave him a purpose. He didn't feel like he was able to contribute anything anymore. As soon as his powers had gone on the fritz, it felt like he'd been pushed off to the side, no longer worthwhile. 

Everyone would keep asking again and again if he was alright, and he always gave them the same response, saying he was fine now with a forced smile. He knew that he wasn't very convincing, but he still tried, not wanting anyone to see how much he'd been made uneasy. They had enough to worry about with the newly forming rebellion back on Homeworld. Groups of gems going against all the new reforms of Era 3, banding together to tear it all down. The rebellion had only revealed themselves shortly after Jasper's attack, hacking the broadcasts and making themselves known. Making sure everyone knew they were ready to fight to end what they called the "delusional reforms".

After the broadcasts, the notion started to float around that they had planned on kidnapping Steven, holding him hostage to further their plans. Though they were just rumors, it was enough to put everyone on edge, going from mildly concerned to never letting him out of their sight. It was impossible to believe anyone who told him there was nothing worry about when they were all on high alert all the time. 

After everything with Jasper coming out of nowhere, all Steven only wished was to be left alone, but that was a rarity now. There always had to be at least someone looking after him, or at least know where he is. He felt like it was a waste of their time to fuss so much about words being carelessly thrown around, but he knew there worried too much to listen. 

He'd slipped into his room in the temple, just searching for a place to truly hide away from everyone else. He didn't know exactly why he felt the need to be alone, but he followed the instinct anyways. He was too tired to really think about it, not being able to sleep when it seemed like every night was plagued by nightmares. Soon he had the idea to come here, to the basement that had been nearly forgotten after healing the corrupted gems. A room no one really wished to go to anymore. 

Steven continues to stare at the lone bubble floating in the large empty room. He couldn't recall why he'd come down here, or even how long he'd stayed. He suddenly felt cold despite the pool of lava bubbling in the center of the room. He brought a hand to his neck, gingerly brushing his fingers across the bruise, feeling a twinge of pain anytime he swallowed. His eyelids began to feel heavy, and he swayed a bit on his feet, feeling the nights of barely sleeping catching up with him. He knew he should head back to his room, go to bed and finally get some rest, but he doesn't move. 

"Steven! There you are," A voice calls out, jolting him awake again. He turns back to see Pearl coming towards him, half running and eyes filled with worry. "What are you doing down here?"

Steven doesn't respond, looking down and trying to grab at his hopelessly scattered thoughts. "I don't know," He finally says, keeping his gaze at the floor. 

"Are you alright?" Pearl brings her hand to his forehead, her fingers feeling frozen against his skin. "You're burning up. How long have you been down here?"

Steven just shrugs, his stare still trained on the floor. Time seemed to lose its meaning when he had nothing but his thought. When he didn't feel like he had to keep a mask on to hide the guilt. Guilt everyone told him he didn't have to feel, but he felt anyways. Guilt that seemed to overwhelm him, but he shoved it down, hid it away to not worry them anymore. 

He let Pearl guide him out of the basement and back up to his room. He didn't have the strength to object. She kept asking him questions, if he was alright and what he'd been doing down there. Questions he gave the same answers to, though he didn't have the energy to even make the effort to sound convincing. It felt like enough of a struggle just to get to his bed with his legs giving out. 

He let himself drop on the bed and pulled the blanket around him, still freezing. He curls himself up in a ball, shutting his eyes tight. He hears Pearl's footsteps heading down the stairs. Steven curled himself up tighter, starting to shiver. Why did he feel so cold?

He hears footsteps come back into the room, but he doesn't do anything to acknowledge them. The only thing he could think of now was the cold. It shouldn't be this cold. Summer was coming to an end, but it was still fairly warm even this late at night. 

Something wet presses against Steven's forehead, feeling like a block of ice. It makes him flinch and let out a groan. He brings his hand up to try and shove it away, but he feels a hand against him, trying to keep him still. He stops his attempt to get rid of the frigid object, realizing it was a wet rag. Hadn't Pearl said he had a fever? Why was he so cold then?

He let the rag stay at his forehead, shivering against the cold. He keeps his eyes shut and squeezes himself tighter. He couldn't stop shivering. The cold felt unnatural, not like the numbness from when you stayed out in the snow for too long. It felt like it came from the inside out. Starting from his stomach and dispersing outward. 

He didn't know when, but he soon found himself drifting off despite the cold, knowing it would be a night cut short by more nightmares.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now Connie's getting wrapped up in my teenage angst fest

Connie stomped quickly over the sand. She'd been trying to get in touch with Steven for days now and he hadn't been answering her calls. She didn't know how many messages she'd left at this point, but he hadn't replied once, and she was now ready to take matters into her own hands.

She went quickly up the steps, practically running. She knew something bad went down, but she still had no idea what. Her concern over the past few days had started to build up to frustration. After trying to get some information from the gems, they always seemed to brush her off hastily, telling her things were fine now and there was nothing to worry about. Most of the gems are awful lairs though, and it wasn't hard to see she wasn't getting all the facts. 

Connie knocked at the door, doing her best not to pound at it. She looks over at the waves crashing behind her, trying to calm herself so she wouldn't blow up. If Steven had gone back to avoiding her, whatever happened must have been something bad. But she wasn't about to let herself be shoved aside for her safety. She'd been running through a dozen different arguments in her head, ready to retort against anything he had to say to keep her away. She's been training for years now, and if something big was coming, she was more than capable. 

She's about to knock again, a lot harder this time when the door finally opens. She'd expected to find Steven to be surprised at her unannounced arrival and start telling her why she shouldn't be there but is instead greeted with an absolute mess. 

Steven looked like he hadn't slept for a while, having circles under his eyes that stood out considerably. His hair was ruffled, looking like he had just climbed out of bed. He probably had just woken up since he was still in pajamas. What stood out the most was the bruise on his neck, looking mostly healed but still unsettling. Overall he seemed to be sick, but now that she thought about it, she'd never seen him actually get sick before. 

"Oh, hey Connie," He said, rubbing his eye. "What are you doing here?"

"Uh…" She had lost her words for a moment, a bit stunned to see him like this. But it only lasts for a second as she pulls herself back together. "What happened to your neck?"

"Oh, this? It's fine now, don't worry."

"Well, you haven't been answering my calls."

"You called?" Steven asked, looking like he was thinking back to something. He turns and heads back into the house. "Where even is my phone?"

Connie just stood at the door for a moment. Was he playing dumb with her or was he actually this much of a wreck? She watches him as he looks under couch cushions and mumbling to himself, seeming like he actually lost it. Whatever was left of Connie's frustration fades back to worry, hating herself for thinking that Steven would intentionally avoid her if something really was happening. She finally walks through the door, shutting it behind her.

"Um, Steven-"

"Found it," He said, cutting her off and holding the phone up in a strange triumph. "Now where'd I leave my charger?"

"Steven, when was the last time you slept?" She said, getting straight to the point.

"Um, about 20 minutes ago."

"No, I mean like, when was the last time you got a good night's sleep?"

"Uh…" He looks up to the ceiling, still looking way too tired to think clearly. He seemed to be in some sort of daze, not really processing her concern.

"Steven, " Connie grabs him by the shoulders, grabbing his attention. "Seriously, what's going on?"

He looks at her for a bit, biting on his lip on his lips and obviously not wanting to answer. He seemed more awake now, finally getting out of the dismissive daze. Connie fought the urge to shake him completely awake, to get him fully out if this trance.

"I don't really know okay," Steven says, pulling her arms off of him, letting himself drop on the couch. "I've just really been out of it ever since Jasper came and-"

"Woah woah woah, wait," she blurted out. "Jasper? What the heck happened with Jasper?"

He stares at her again, looking puzzled. "You didn't know?"

"_No._ That's why I came here. Everyone's clearly nervous about something, yet they tell me it's fine, and it clearly not fine," Connie started going off, letting all her pent up frustration leak into her words. "They're not telling me everything, and then I come here and see you like this, and…"

Connie trails off, bringing her attention back to the bruise on his neck. The pieces started to click together now, and the panic started to bubble up.

"_Did she choke you out_?"

"Well, uh, not really out-"

"Oh my gosh, she choked you out," Connie turned and started pacing, not being able to sit still with the panic building up. 

"But I'm okay now, it's-"

"_Steven_, " Connie said forcefully. She stopped pacing and turned to face him. "This isn't _okay_. What happened?" 

Steven didn't answer, staying silent as if her questions stirred up something he'd rather forget. "There's not really that much to it. Jasper attacked me. That's it."

"But why would she do that?"

"We don't know, but- but it's alright now. I'm fine."

"What? No, this isn't _fine_. Have you looked in a mirror? Your an absolute mess."

Connie felt like she was being harsh with her words, but she wasn't going to put up with Steven being so dismissive of everything. They'd thought that Jasper was fine after being healed from the corruption. They'd thought she'd understood, or at least tried to understand after seeing the diamonds being such a driving force for Era 3. How could things have gone this bad without warning? 

"Where Jasper now?"

Steven looked uneasy with the question, looking off to the side again to avoid eye contact. Connie was quick to assume the worst.

"Is she out there somewhere? Have the gems been out looking for her?"

"Oh, no no no. It's not that," Steven seemed startled with her assumption and was quick to try and correct her. "She- she's been bubbled. She here in the temple."

Connie felt a bit of relief to know that Jasper wasn't out running around, but the initial panic still lingered. 

"But _why_ would she do that? There could be something bigger going on."

"Well, there kinda is…" Steven murmured, crossing his arms and still not looking her in the eye. Connie wondered if this had been the cause of his lack of sleep.

"Steven, this has clearly been bothering you. What's been happening?"

He sighs, looking down at the floor. "A rebellion. There's a rebellion on Homeworld."

There's silence between them as Connie tries to get her brain to process it. She struggles to get the gears turning, not being able to say anything. 

He notices her silence and continues, still staring down at the floor. "There's have been gems resisting all the new changes for a while now, and we thought we were starting to get things under control, but- then there was Jasper, and then they revealed themselves as a much bigger operation. It didn't take much for the gems to connect the two things and start to think I was in danger."

"Is this what's been keeping you up?" Connie says, finally finding the words again. "What's been keeping you from sleeping?"

"No. Yeah. Kinda?" He keeps his arms crossed, gripping at his sleeves. He glances back up at her, only to bring his gaze back down to the floor. "It complicated."

"So… maybe you could try to explain," she says, sitting down next to him.

Steven stays quiet, proceeding to stare at the floor as if it had insulted him. 

"Steven please. What else is there?"

"I don't really want to talk about," He mumbles quietly. 

"But-"

"I _really_ don't want to talk about it," He said, his tired face contorting to a scowl. He still didn't look up at her, as if her stare would be enough to knock down whatever wall he had up.

Connie wanted to keep trying to get him to talk, but restrains herself. If it made him this upset, maybe she shouldn't press him anymore. It was just the way he talked about Jasper. Had Steven really been trying to defend her? After she'd _attacked_ him?

There's silence between them, and Connie feels the tension start to build up. She shifts a bit on the couch. Should she just leave? Steven obviously didn't want to talk and she'd gotten at least some of the information she wanted, but it still didn't feel right to leave. She felt like she should say something, change the subject of conversation, but she can't find the words. She looks at him, examining the dark circles and furrowed eyebrows. But there's something else. Some pink spot that stained his cheek. It seemed small and insignificant, but she'd become desperate for anything to say. 

"Um, you've got something on your face," she said awkwardly. Her words felt weird as they pierced the silence. 

Steven brings a hand to his face, and his expression melts away as he wipes at his cheek, seeming to just realize he was scowling. He finds the patch and rubs at it a bit, but it doesn't see to come off. He brings his phone up to his face, using it as a mirror to get a better look. 

"What even is this?" He questions. 

"Looks kinda like paint," Connie says, not really sure of it either. 

"Yeah, but I don't have any paint. It won't come off." He keeps scratching at it, clearly getting frustrated. He gives up and runs his fingers through his hair, only to freeze, his face looking shocked as he tried to process something. 

"I think we need to get the gems."


	3. Chapter 3

Corruption. 

They weren't sure of it at first, not even seeing it as a possibility. But after seeing the horns sprouting from his hair and pink spots spreading across his skin, no one could deny it anymore. 

It promptly turned to the matter of finding a solution. The diamonds were called over to try healing Steven with the fountain. They didn't take the corruption news very well. They seemed concerned and confused about how it could have happened and even looked a bit repulsed to see him like that, which didn't make Steven feel any better about the dilemma. 

The fountain didn't seem to do anything other than making everyone even more uneasy. If anything it seemed to have made things worse. After coming home and getting a look in the mirror, he could see his pupils had turned to diamonds with bright pink irises. Tiny horns were starting to grow on both sides of his face, the horns on his scalp clearly visible now. 

The corruption didn't seem to work as it did for normal gems. Corruption could infect a gem in mere minutes, but for Steven, it was much more gradual. It seemed to make sense; Steven was half-human so the corruption took a lot longer to affect his organic body. They didn't have any other options and decided all they could do now was wait and see what happens. 

No one really liked the idea of just waiting, not being able to do anything to help. Pearl and Garnet were uncomfortable talking to him, seeing him corrupted like all their friends and loved ones had been in the war. Being so sure it was just a matter of time before he couldn't even speak anymore, lose himself and not recognize them.

Amethyst was different. Steven had come downstairs to find her laying upside down at the couch, letting her long white hair drape on the floor as she stares at the wall. She'd just seemed really confused about everything, not really understanding the extent of corruption, not having the same history from the war. At least Steven and Amethyst were on the same page of confusion.

"Are you okay?" Steven asked, making Amethyst jump a bit in surprise as she whips her head over to look at him. "You've been staring at that wall for an hour now."

"Was I?" She says, sounding lost, but then suddenly moving to shift herself upright on the couch. "Hold up, I should be the one asking if _you're_ okay."

Steven shrugs. "I got some sleep," He lied.

"Oh. That's good," Amethyst gave a smile. A forced, awkward smile, wanting to be reassuring but not knowing how. 

Steven lets his eyes drop to the floor. "You don't have to watch over me you know."

"I know," she sighs. "But I want to. Garnet and Pearl are probably off crying their eyes out about all this. How can they just fall apart like this when you're the one who needs them more than ever? They should be here, trying to help you."

"I think we should just give them time to process it," Steven says, sitting down next to her. 

"Why should we?" Amethyst snaps. "They're the ones who know about all this corruption stuff and I don't. They should be here for you but- Pearl… she won't even look at you."

"It's- It's just hard for them."

"It's hard for _you_," she stands up, close to shouting now. "It's like they've just given up. It's like your just a countdown now. They're just waiting around, being all sad and expecting the worse. We've got to at least keep trying, right?"

Steven doesn't answer. He wants to say she shouldn't get her hopes up. That distancing herself would be better than the heartache.

~

Connie stared out at the sea, her back to the house, the familiar sound of crashing waves and seagulls filling her ears. The air was warm, but not as hot as a summer afternoon should be. Summer was coming to an end and school would be starting up again soon.

School. She'd hardly been able to think about school. It was right around the corner, but her thoughts have been consumed by Steven and his state of corruption. She'd come over to see him, but she'd reached the stairs only to question if she should even go up. She'd already said she was on her way over, so it would have been weirder if she didn't show up. 

So Connie stayed outside, just a minute to gather herself. She didn't know what to expect. She hadn't seen him since the day they discovered the corruption. She'd heard about him going to see the diamonds, but it hadn't worked. What had even happened to Steven during that time?

She turns to face the stairs again, knowing she'd find out sooner or later, and she'd rather it be sooner. A part of her tells her she should head back, that Steven wouldn't really want to talk to her after how intrusive she'd been before, but she ignores it and heads up the steps. 

Connie stops before the door, hesitant to knock, but she forces herself to anyways. She looks back, one more look at the waves, a strange way of settling herself before the door opens. 

Steven's newly corrupted form didn't frighten her as much as she thought it would. She honestly didn't know what she was expecting, but he still looked like a wreck.

Two small horns stuck out at his temples, and two more stuck out through his unkempt hair. All of them looking to be made of crystal, reflecting the afternoon light. Small blotches of pink covered his face. The new corrupted features just seemed to magnify how exhausted he looked. He'd actually gotten dressed today, which had to count for something. 

What stood out most was his eyes, now bright pink with diamonds for pupils, looking strangely intimidating. He squinted, the sunlight was probably a bit too bright. He'd probably been cooped inside for a while. 

"Hey," He says with a weak smile. 

"Hey," Connie says back, not able to force a smile like he did, still taking in his new appearance. Maybe what he needed right now was some fresh air. "Wanna go down to the beach?"

~

They sat down on the sand not too far from the house. Well, Steven sat. Connie kept moving around as they talked, pacing back and forth, clearly stressed about his situation. 

The sunlight still hurt his eyes a bit, but he chalked that up to him not leaving the house in a while. The afternoon sun didn't feel warm like it should. He still felt cold. Though not nearly as cold as that night in the basement, he still felt uncomfortable. 

Steven did his best to explain what was going on with him and the corruption, even though he didn't really know what was happening himself. And anything he did say was on a need-to-know basis, not wanting to go too much into detail. Connie didn't need to know about everything. She didn't need to know about the strange pain and numbness he began feeling in his arms and legs. She didn't need to know had been avoiding sleep entirely to evade the nightmares that wouldn't let him sleep anyways. She didn't need to know he had a countdown until he probably couldn't speak anymore. 

He still didn't know if it would be better to let her know now or keep her in the dark until it was too late. For the time being, he kept quiet about it.

"So if there isn't a way to heal you, what's gonna happen?" Connie asks.

"We don't really know," Steven replied. It wasn't a complete lie. 

"Is it stuff like that that keeps you up at night? Worrying about what'll happen to you?"

"Yeah," He sighed. That was a real lie, or at least that's what he believed. Surprisingly, he'd been less worried about what was going to happen to him and worried more about how it was going to impact everyone else. 

"I'm guessing the gems aren't taking it very well."

"Not really. It's been really hard for Pearl and Garnet. They're the ones who've seen corruption from the beginning."

"So what about Amethyst?"

"Don't really know. She won't really talk about it, so…"

Connie finally stops pacing and sits down next to him. "And you?"

"What?"

"All of this is happening to you. You're the one who has to deal with it all the time. So how are _you_ taking it?" 

"I'm doing fine," He said, looking out at the sea, refusing to meet her eyes. 

She sighs. "But you don't seem fine."

"I'm just tired. Really."

"It's just-"

"_I said I'm fine, okay,_" He snaps. Steven presses his lips tightly and looks down at his feet, tensing up. He feels his throat close up, hot tears dripping down his face without warning. He sniffs as he tries to stifle a sob.

Why was he crying? Just a few words and he was already falling apart. He hadn't wanted to admit it before, not even to himself, but he _was_ scared. Scared of what would happen next. Scared of losing himself. Scared of hurting the ones he cared about. 

He let out a sob, letting the feeling he'd locked away come rushing back. He started to tremble, shivering from the returning cold. He just wanted things to go back to normal. He just wanted to feel okay again, even for a moment. 

He feels Connie's arm around him, trying to comfort him. She doesn't say anything more, letting him continue his quiet sobbing. Just her hand over him seemed to stop the cold. He pulls her into a hug, not wanting to let go, not wanting to leave her.

For once it felt warm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have next to no idea what I'm doing, but I think it's coming together. Kinda.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't really like how this chapter turned out, but I posted it anyways instead of being a piece of self depreciating grabage.

Steven stared down at the bottle of pills in his hand. His dad had given him some painkillers, not really knowing what else to do. Greg tried not to be too worried about the corruption, though he was still clearly concerned. It was magic stuff and he was sure the gems would be able to handle it. Maybe it was best if he kept thinking that. 

The painkillers didn't seem to do anything. Steven was tempted to take higher doses, desperate to ease the soreness, but decided against it. It could just make things worse. 

He grips the pill bottle tightly, feeling a wave of resentment he didn't know what to do with. He hurled the bottle across the room, full force, letting it bash against the wall. It hits with enough force to knock off the childproof cap and send pills all over the floor. He drops down on his bed, grabbing a pillow and covering his face, letting out a long groan. 

Fury smoldered inside him, every little inconvenience seeming to frustrate him. He just wanted to feel okay again. To have a good night's sleep for once. To not feel the ache or fatigue. To not be a burden to everyone.

He didn't need everyone worrying about him all the time. They had bigger things to worry about with the movements on Homeworld. Anytime Steven would ask for an update on the rebellion, he would be brushed off, being told they had everything under control and he just needed to rest. Steven felt powerless, staying back when this was an issue _he_ needed to fix. He was the one helping to solve problems, but now he was the problem. 

He was able to help everyone else, why couldn't he help himself?

~

Connie stared at her phone, typing quickly and listening carefully for movement outside her door. Her mother would be furious to know she was up this late texting when school was starting in the morning. She hadn't had time to go and see Steven that day and felt like she should start at least check up on him before the day was over, but a quick check-in somehow turned into a two-hour conversation under the covers about _Under The Knife_. 

_Like, I get that he's the main character, but he can't be the only doctor who knows what they're doing._

_bUt cOnNiE! how else would they be able to show off his SuPeRiOr intellect?_

_And maybe they shouldn't spend so much time on romantic subplots and love triangles when you're in an emergency room with people coming in with missing limbs._

_bUt ThEn WhEreS tHe DrAmA???_

Connie smiled like an idiot, trying not to laugh out loud at his over the top responses. It felt stuffy under the blanket, but she didn't care. It just felt nice to chat with him even if she couldn't be there. It almost felt like she was there. 

She glanced at the time at the tip of her screen. Nearly midnight. She kept telling herself only five more minutes, but it'd been an hour now. She started to feel drowsy and finally decides she should get to sleep. Besides, if she kept talking to Steven he certainly wouldn't be getting much sleep.

_Hey, it's getting late and I should probably go to bed._

_darn. didn't realize how late it was. goodnight_

_You should go to bed too._

_yeah I will_

_You sure?_

_yes?_

Connie paused for a bit. She knew Steven was still barely sleeping, possibly still stressed about the corruption. She wanted to just get him to sleep but felt like there was nothing more she could say without sounding too intrusive. He had to get sleep sooner or later though. Hopefully, he was at least trying.

_Okay. Goodnight._

Connie pulls the blanket off her face, feeling the cold air of her room again. She wipes a bit of sweat from the bridge of her nose and sets her phone on the nightstand. She's quick about it, feeling she would be tempted to say more if she didn't put it away immediately. She settles herself back in bed, refusing the urge to grab her phone again.

~

Steven lay on his bed, staring up at the ceiling. He knew he should be sleeping, but he just couldn't. It was like he'd gotten used to staying up late through the nights, evading sleep as much as he could until it all catches up to him, the fatigue hitting him like a brick. 

He looks around the room, seeing shadows contort into vague silhouettes. He could feel his heartbeat quicken, the constant feeling of adrenaline keeping him alert. He brings his gaze back to the ceiling, repeating the same thing in his mind. _They aren't real._

He felt like a child, being afraid of what lurks in the shadows. Letting the uncertainty keep him awake long into the night. 

He pulls his phone out from under his pillow, switching it on and being blinded by the flash of light. He got his eyes to adjust enough to read the time. Nearly three in the morning. 

Feeling a surge of frustration, he restrains himself from hurtling the phone at the wall the same way he did with the painkillers. Smashing his phone wasn't going to change anything. Instead, he just shoves it back under his pillow. He wasn't used to being angry like this, feeling it accumulate like this. 

He didn't really know what he angry at. The corruption? Himself? The world that seemed to be crumbling all around him?

Steven runs his fingers through his hair, pressing his lips tightly together, wanting to shout at the top of his lungs and let out whatever it is he could feel bubbling up. But he knew he couldn't. It was the middle of the night and he'd scare the heck out of anyone within earshot. 

He lets out a quiet groan instead. This was stupid. He was being stupid. He wanted to sleep. He didn't want to sleep. He wanted to be alone. He didn't want to be alone. Just an endless cycle of contradiction. 

~

The sun shone brightly, warmer than it had been in a while. Connie walked barefoot over the sand. She was sure she'd regret the sand in her toes later but still wanted to soak up as much of what was left of the summer heat. Wanting to forget about it being the beginning of the school year and the homework that would start piling up again. She'd shoved he shoes in her bookbag, thankful it wasn't stuffed to the brim with books and papers yet. 

The school day had left her feeling tired, but that was more mental exhaustion. She was sure Steven hadn't slept much. 

The beach house was in sight now. She was ready to head straight up the steps but stops when she sees steven sitting at the bottom of the stairs. 

"Hey, Steven!" Connie's calls, jogging up to him. He doesn't turn to look at her though. Concern rises up again.

"Steven?" Connie calls again, stopping next to him. He still doesn't respond, not seeming to notice her. His eyes were nearly closed, cracked open slightly. He swayed slightly, looking like he was on the edge of falling asleep. 

What was he doing outside like this?

Connie puts her hand on his shoulder, shaking him slightly, trying to snap him out of whatever weird trance he was in. He flinches at her touch, tensing up and staring at her for a few seconds with piercing diamond eyes. He squinted in the sunlight, blinking sleepily and looking confused as to what was happening. 

He rubbed his eyes, looking as sleep-deprived as ever. "Oh hey, Connie."

"Yeah, hey," Connie says, getting worried. She keeps her hand on his shoulder, feeling the need to steady him as he continued to sway. "What are you doing out here?"

"Oh, you know," He says through a yawn. "Just wanting some fresh air. I'm alright."

"Come on," Connie gently tugs on his arm. "You gotta get inside and take a nap."

Steven doesn't object and grabs onto the railing, using it to pull himself up. He struggles a bit to get on his feet. He holds on tightly to the railing for support, his legs trembling. Connie keeps a tight grip on his arm to need him steady.

He barely takes a step away from the railing before his legs give out under him, nearly dragging Connie down with him. 

"_Woah_," she says, trying to bring Steven back to a sitting position. "Steven, what's wrong?"

"I don't know," He stares down at the ground. "I can't get up."

"Are you hurt?"

"No. I just- I can't feel my legs."

He looked frightened, staring down at his feet like that would get them to work again. He needed to get inside, but Connie definitely couldn't get him up the stairs on her own.

"Is anyone in the house?"

"Um… y-yeah."

She starts to get up, off to get someone to help, but Steven holds on tightly to her arm. He still looks down, eyes wide with terror. He didn't seem to realize he was holding on so tight.

"Steven, it's okay. I'll be right back," she says slowly, not trying to force her arm from his grip. 

He hesitates, but finally let's go, quickly brings his arm back to the railing. Connie doesn't waste any more time and books it up the steps, dropping her bag at the foot of the stairs.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Minor blood warning I guess. 
> 
> I told my self I wasn't gonna write about blood, but here I am. *smacks lips* writing about blood.
> 
> It gonna get pretty angsty now, and will probably just keep going downhill for a while.

Steven lay on the ground of cold rough stone. He cracked his open a bit to look around. It's too dark to see much, though he can see pillars of marble all wrapped in thorny vines. The place looked ancient, some pillars crumbling and looking like the wrapping vines were the only thing keeping the place from collapsing. 

He had no idea where he was or how he could have gotten there. He tried to move his head to get a better look around, but he couldn't. He couldn't move at all, some invisible force keeping him pinned down. 

His eyes dart around, trying to get a sense of his surroundings, trying to see what was keeping him to the floor, but finds nothing in the dark.

His eyes fall back to the thorny vines. They seemed closer than before. He was sure he was imagining things now, but he focuses his eyes on them enough to see vines slowly moving towards him. 

He panics and struggled with whatever willpower he had left to get himself to move, but still nothing. He feels his heart beat faster and his breath quicken as they approached. Why couldn't he move?

He feels one start to wrap around his foot, coiling around and scraping his leg its thorns. The adrenaline rushes through him again, but his body still refuses to move. 

The vines get a grip on legs and start to pull, dragging him across the floor, sinking their thorns into his skin. The pain erupts through his leg, but he doesn't cry out. He can't cry out. No sound passes his lips. No noise from the pain and no call for help.

He just gawks at the creeping vines as they keep dragging him away. The stone floor scrapes against his skin. 

Through his silent terror, he looks back around, desperate for something to help, though he didn't know what. Instead, he sees a statue, wrapped in the same vine and thorns. A woman with large ringlets of hair, eyes closed and looking remorseful. 

Rose Quartz. This was Rose's fountain. But it shouldn't be overrun with vines like this, at least not anymore. 

He hears something, some sound over his heavy breathing. Some animal? A voice? He can't make it out. It the sound is muffled, sounding like he was underwater. But he doesn't focus on it as the vines tug harder, thorns digging into his legs as he feels hot blood start to trickle down.

"_Steven_," the voice calls again. He can make it out this time, and it sounded a lot closer. 

The statue's eyes open, watching at him with a knowing smile, just watching as he was dragged by the vines. He shuts his eyes, not wanting to look at it.

Steven feels a hand on his shoulder, and suddenly whatever weight was keeping him in place disappeared. The vines are gone along with pain. But he doesn't take the time to question it as he quickly stumbles to his feet, putting his arms up defensively. 

But he finds no shadowy creature to take him away. Just Connie sitting on the couch looking startled. He looks around confused, still breathing heavily, arms still up and ready to fight.

Connie gets up quickly, grabbing his wrists and looking troubled.

"It's okay, it's okay," she says frantically, sounding desperate to calm him down. "It was just a dream, it's okay."

Just a nightmare. He was still at home. Not at the fountain. Not being dragged away by vines. Not in any danger. 

He tries to remember the event from earlier in the day. He'd been at the bottom of the staircase, and Connie had left to go get someone, but he couldn't recall what happened after that.

He looks down at his feet. He could stand again. His legs seemed fine now; no numbness, no pain, no vines. 

He tried to steady his shaky breaths, pulling his hands from Connie's grip. 

"What happened?" He asked.

"Garnet brought you inside and you fell asleep for a while, and we thought it was fine," Connie replied, her eyes full of concern. "And then you started shaking. I thought that I should just let you sleep, but then you started kicking and mumbling for someone to stop."

Steven was able to calm his breathing a bit more. "Where's Garnet now?"

"Somewhere in the temple. Said she had to do something but hasn't been back for a while."

Steven looked over at the temple door. Garnet probably didn't want to see him like this. Shivering and hysterical. 

"But the dream, what was it about?" Connie asked. "Maybe it's important. Your dreams always mean something, right?"

"I- I don't know. I can't remember," He lied. He felt guilty about all the lies he'd told, but he still felt that he couldn't say what was really going on. It would just worry everyone even more, and that was the last thing they all needed. 

He looked behind him, seeing the sun start to set outside the window. How long had he been out?

"It's getting late. You should have gone home by now."

"I know, but I was just worried. I already called my parents to say I'd be back late."

Connie spent too much of her time here. Coming over almost every day and staying until evening. She couldn't spend all her time worrying about him.

"You should get home now," Steven said, looking away from her. "You know, before it gets dark."

"Yeah, I should," Connie replied, picking up her bookbag and turning to the door. "I'll try to stop by tomorrow."

Steven's mouth opens, wanting to say something, but he couldn't get himself to. It takes more effort then it should to get the words out.

"You shouldn't."

She stops, almost at the door, but turns back looking puzzled. "What?"

He bits his lip but forces himself to speak. "You shouldn't come over here so much."

"Um… why?" 

"It's just that you come here all the time, and you've got to have other things to do instead of staying with me."

"What are you saying?"

"I'm saying you shouldn't be wasting all your time worrying about me."

"How could you think that's a waste of time?" Connie asks, giving him a hard stare. Steven doesn't let himself look away. He had to look her in the eye for this.

"Connie, I know you're worried about me. Everyone is, but you have other things to be stressing about. You've probably got stuff going on and there are so many bigger things happening out there. If I'm not able to help with anything, the least I can do is stay out of everyone's way. Stay out of _your_ way."

"But you can't just stay here by yourself all the time. There has to be someone to-"

"Someone to what? Watch me like some kid? I can take care of my self, thank you," Steven's voice gets louder, feeling the anger he'd shoved down rising to the top, no matter how hard he tried to keep it down.

"Steven, you couldn't even get back up the stairs. I just want to make sure you okay until we can fix this."

"But there _isn't_ a way to fix it," The words are out of his mouth before he could stop them. 

Connie states at him for a moment, either in disbelief or confusion, her mouth open like she was going to say something, but she just doesn't have a response. 

Steven takes a shaky breath, trying to make sure his voice doesn't quiver as he talks.

"We've tried everything and _nothing_ works. There nothing left but to wait until I'm just some mindless monster. It only a matter of time before- before I'm gone."

"What do you mean 'gone'?"

"You've seen corrupted gems before. They don't know who they are anymore. Who they used to be. They don't know how to feel anymore. They can't even think straight, just reacting to thing, trying to protect themselves."

"So what's gonna happen to you?"

"They can't bubble me, so they'll- they'll put me somewhere once I'm out of control. Somewhere I can't hurt anyone."

Connie states with confusion again, trying to take in what he was trying to say. 

"Did the gems tell you this?" She says quietly.

"No. But- what else are they gonna do?" His voice shook now no matter how hard he tried to keep it steady. "Why else do you think they're gone all the time?"

"The gems are out looking for a way to heal you. They have to be."

"You don't know that. You don't see the way they look at me. The way they act around me. The way they talk to me. Pearl and Garnet, they- it's like I'm not even a person anymore. They're just waiting for the day I snap."

"_Don't say that_," Connie snaps. "They wouldn't just give up on you. They care about you too much."

Her stare is fierce now. Steven feels it jabbing at his walls, trying to break down the gates he kept locked. He pressed his lips together, clenching his fists to try and stop his hand from shaking.

"Pearl and Garnet? What about Amethyst? She's got to still be trying."

"Yeah, I know she is," Steven crosses his arms, trying to make himself look closed off, but using it as more of a way to hide his hands. They wouldn't stop shaking. "I just want to tell her to stop. To stop trying and just accept it."

Steven looks to the ground now. He can't bring himself to meet her eyes anymore. He wanted her to leave, to not waste all her time and energy on him when there wasn't any hope for him. But at the same time, he wanted her to stay. He didn't want to be alone right now. 

But the feeling of being a burden overpowered the want for someone to support him.

"How long?" Connie says. He hears her voice quiver. He looks up to see her lips pressed tightly, eyebrows furrowed. Now she was the one trying to keep herself together. "How long till then?"

"Don't know. It could be a while."

"Then we have to keep trying. There's got to still be something."

She takes a step forward. Steven steps back.

"I'm not just gonna give up on you, " she says, her voice starting to crack.

"But maybe you should. I gave up a long time ago."

Steven turns around, arms still crossed as he starts to dig his fingernails into his arms. He just couldn't get his hands to stop shaking. 

"You need to get home now."

"But-"

"_Please._ Just go home."

Connie stays silent. She probably wanted to say more, but didn't. 

"Fine."

Steven keeps his back turned as he hears footsteps moving away and the door slam, followed but hurried steps down the stairs. She's gone now and he feels any warmth leave with her. He shivers violently now.

~ 

Connie walks along the beach, letting her feet drag in the sand. She's barefoot again, shoes in her hand and her bookbag slung over one shoulder. The sun had set and she had nothing but the moon to illuminate the ground in front of her. The night air was cool, the wet sand under her feet feeling chilly.

She should have gone straight home, but she'd turned around as soon as she'd gotten to the boardwalk, thinking she should go back. But how could she go back when she left like that? Why did she leave at all? She should have said more. Should have done more. Should have…

She kept wandering in circles, trying to decide if she should go back or go home. She ended up choosing neither, wandering on the beach. 

She wanted to keep arguing with him, but she didn't. Something about his face, how he seemed so sure of it being hopeless, that trying wouldn't be worth it anymore, made her back down. Maybe he did need the time to himself.

It still didn't register in her mind. That there really wasn't anything else they could do. That he'd soon be unable to speak and not even recognize the people he cared about. That he wouldn't remember who he was. Who _she_ was. 

She stops walking, staring down at her feet, her eyes blurred with tears. She lets herself fall to her knees, losing the will to even keep herself standing upright. She brings her arms around herself, hugging herself, as the tears roll down her cheeks. 

Connie told herself over and over she wasn't going to cry over this, but she just couldn't take it anymore. Knowing Steven was corrupted was hard enough, but now to hear that there no solution, that it was all hopeless. She didn't want to believe it. She wouldn't believe it.

She'd have a lot of explaining to do with her parents about being out so late. She'd have to call them to pick her up now, knowing they'd be furious if she came home on her own at this hour. But she'd deal with that later. 

She stifles a sob even though no one's around to hear it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did I ever mention that this is the first full length fanfic I've ever written and I have next to no idea what I'm doing?


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I've rewritten this chapter like three time now and I've just given up at this point.

The sun was bright. Too bright. Too bright for how cold it was getting. Too bright for how bad of a mood Connie was in. 

It'd been a week since she'd seen Steven. He didn't text her. She didn't text either. She wanted to go over to his house, at least check up on him again, but she couldn't bring herself to go. She'd walk across the boardwalk, about to go out to the beach, only to turn back, knowing she wouldn't know what to say to him. She kept assuming that she was being invasive.

It was a routine now, coming over and turning back. And she hated it. She was letting herself fall into a pit of despair when she could have been doing something proactive. Or anything else really. She was just wasting time. So instead of heading home, she heads to Little homeworld instead. 

Connie hadn't heard about what Bismuth or Lapis or Peridot had been doing this whole time and felt a bit ashamed for not realizing it until now. They were part of the Crystal gems too, so maybe she should talk to them.

Unless they didn't know. The whole thing about Steven being corrupted had been kept from pretty much everyone. They couldn't risk the news getting out with the Homeworld rebellion on the move. But Steven had to have told them. Or someone else had to have told them. 

She hadn't found the time or the reason to come down to Little Homeworld for a while now, but things appeared to have changed. The streets were a lot quieter, looking like nearly everyone had either left or stayed huddled inside. There were a few gems out and about, but they all carried swords or axes or some other type of weaponry. No one smiled, and they barely acknowledged each other. Everyone seemed to have somewhere to be and not a lot of time to get there. 

Seeing all the weapons around, Connie felt exposed and vulnerable without her sword. Everyone was on high alert and here she was, just walking around. She knew tensions were high, but this was excessive since all anyone had told her was to not worry about it. 

Construction projects seemed to have been abandoned, looking the same as they had nearly a month ago. The piles of building materials that used to be all over the place had vanished, probably being used now for things deemed more important, like weapons and defenses.

Connie kept walking, not knowing what she was really doing there. She knew Peridot had her own little workshop somewhere close by, so she headed towards that. She didn't know what to say when she got there, but she still kept walking, not letting herself back out again. 

She reached the workshop and stopped at the door. She took a deep breath, keeping herself from high tailing it out of there, and knocks at the door. 

Not one answers for a while and Connie immediately takes that as a sign she never should have even come. She turns to leave, but she's barely taken a step before the door clicks open and she whips her head back towards it. Lapis answers the door. Not too surprising. She seems to always be with Peridot. 

"Oh hey… you," she says, squinting in fake confusion.

Connie just stares, continuing to think the shouldn't have come.

The gem laughed a bit. "I'm kidding, I'm kidding. What are you doing here?"

"Oh you know," Connie said, smiling awkwardly. "Thought I'd just stop by."

"Really? Thought you'd be spending all your time with Steven. Especially now."

"Can't I just come by and have a little chat every now and again."

"So what do you need," Lapis said flatly.

"What?" Connie mumbles. Was it really that easy to see through her?

"I'm pretty sure you need something. You here for Peridot?"

"No," Connie replied quickly, sounding defensive. "Well, I guess I _did_ kinda want to talk to her about something."

"Well, she's not here. Come back later."

She was about to shut the door before Connie stammered out, "Wait, I- I came to see you too."

"Um, why?" Lapis asked, glancing to the side and looking as awkward as Connie probably did. "I thought you didn't even like me."

"What makes you say that?"

"Well, the first time I saw you I tried to drown you." 

"But you didn't even remember that," Connie's eyes narrowed a bit. "Anyways, I thought we were past that a while ago."

"Hm… you sure? It doesn't seem like it. And things haven't really gotten better from there."

Connie stopped to think for a bit and realized she didn't really talk to Lapis all that much or any of the other gems, to be honest. She felt guilty for seeming to only acknowledge them when she was running out of options. 

She extends her hand out, offering a handshake, trying to push through the awkwardness. "Then, I guess we could try and start over."

~

"He won't talk to you?"

"No."

"Is he ignoring you?"

"No"

"So did you try to talk to him?"

"Well… No."

"Then what the heck is the problem?" Lapis threw her head back exasperated. Connie knew her thoughts and actions didn't make much sense, but it still felt strange to have someone call her out.

They sat inside the workshop at a large desk covered in disassembled and incomplete pieces of tech. A couple of fingers screens had been left on, probably full of notes that Connie couldn't read. Whatever Peridot was writing didn't even look like a language. 

The workshop itself had already looked small from the outside, but it seemed even smaller inside with supplies and boxes and screens everywhere. There were messes of metal scraps and wires everywhere, and it didn't seem to have any sort of organization to it, but this was their organized chaos. Lapis seemed to understand the system, somehow finding space to put her feet up on the desk.

"I don't know, okay," Connie sighs. "It's been a lot with the corruption, but he doesn't want to talk and I don't want to push him."

"I guess it's has been hard," Lapis said. She picks up a spring from the mess on the desk and starts messing around with it. "Maybe when this is all over you can look back and laugh at how dumb you both can be."

_When this is over._ So they didn't know everything. Connie thought about her words carefully, trying to find a way to steer the conversation in another direction, but still wasn't sure if the best way to get the ball rolling.

"So uh, have you guys been doing stuff to try and like, help with the corruption?" 

"Well, Amethyst and Peridot have been out talking with uncorrupted gems in Little Homeworld. Like, trying to figure out how corruption was for other gems and trying to figure out stuff from there."

"So do you know how that's going?"

"I don't really know. Peridot tries to grab at every little detail, trying to make some sense of it all, only to hit a wall and go back to the drawing board. I haven't really been able to help much. Kinda just been around to hold down the fort."

"Do you ever get a chance to talk to Steven?"

"Not really. I want to help him, but- I don't know much about corruption," the gem replied, suddenly being very interested in the spring in her hands. "I'm mostly there a filter for Peridot since she had pretty much no regard for personal space when she gathers her 'data'."

"So has Bismuth's been busy with stuff too?"

"Yeah. I don't see her much. She spends forever at the forge, making weapons again. Everyone wants to be ready."

"For the rebels?" Connie sits up straighter, eager to get any scrap of information. "Are things getting that bad?"

"Well yeah," Lapis replied, looking at her with a bit of confusion like this was stuff Connie should have known. "There's been a lot of reports of ships and heavy weaponry being stolen, and some of those incidents have been from just a few star systems from here. Garnet keeps saying that they wouldn't launch an attack on earth, but everyone's still on high alert."

"Then how come you're all still on earth when all the big stuff's happening on other planets?" It started to feel like Connie was conducting an interrogation, asking question after question.

Lapis brings her attention back to the spring, bending it her fingers to the point where it definitely wouldn't be usable anymore. "I did want to go, and I'm sure the others did too. To try their best to get things under control. But- none of us really want to when Steven is... you know."

Connie paused for a bit. She'd only been asking questions for a while and Lapis hadn't denied her an answer once. It felt strange to not be brushed off and talked down to. It was even stranger to see how casually Lapis was talking about it like it was common knowledge. 

"Why are you telling me all this?" Connie finally says.

Lapis looks up at her again, eyebrows together and eyes narrowed."_Because you asked?_"

"No, it's just-, " Connie fumbles with her words. "If I asked anyone else, they'd tell me not to worry about it, that everything's fine and they've got it under control. That everything fine."

"But everything isn't fine," the Lapis said plainly, still speaking as if it were something everyone already knew about. "You should know what's happening. And I'm pretty sure you can handle it. To be honest, you're more mature than any of us."

Connie snorts. A quick, ugly sound of laughter. "Me? _Mature_?"

"Yeah," Lapis replied, starting to smile too. "You're like, the only one who has their crap together."

"Seriously?" Connie tried not to laugh as she spoke. "I don't have anything together. And I'm pretty sure maturity comes along with rationality, and I haven't made a rational decision in like, two weeks."

"Well, maybe to find what wrong, you need to figure out what's making you act like such an idiot."

Lapis smiles, saying it like a joke, still messing with the spring until it was a bundle of wire. But for Connie, something clicks. What was she doing? Why couldn't she just get herself to say what she needed to from the beginning? Why did she feel the need to keep dancing around the issue? The more she avoided the harder it would be to confront.

Connie stops smiling, leaning back her chair and wringing her hands. She gets herself to speak before Lapis had the chance to question her silence.

"He's given up you know."

"Huh?" Lapis' smile falters a bit, not comprehending what Connie had said.

Connie takes a deep breath, still fidgeting with her hands and starting to squirm in her seat. "There hasn't been anything that seems to work for the corruption, and it keeps getting worse." 

"But we're all still trying. We're getting close to something, I know it."

"He doesn't see the point in trying anymore. That he'll inevitably be a mindless monster. That everyone should give up too."

Lapis bringing her feet down from the desk and letting the spring drop to the floor, completely forgotten. She stares at Connie for a moment, eyebrows furrowed in disbelief. Connie didn't blame her.

"Give up?" She finally says, barely a whisper. "Steven doesn't just give up."

"Yeah, he doesn't give up on other people. But-" Connie sighs, still fumbling with her words. "He seemed so quick to give up on himself, like he was holding everyone back and wasting all their time."

"How could you think that?" Lapis snaps, bolting up from her chair, making Connie jump a bit.

"He told me," Connie said flatly, trying to keep whatever was left of her composure. "That's why we're not talking. And maybe that's why I came here. To finally talk to someone about all this and get a second opinion."

"Well then go talk to him. We can't just let him do this to himself."

"But we can't just barge in and force him to listen. We can keep trying to help with the corruption, but you can't just force him to talk about it if he really doesn't want to."

"You're right," Lapis let herself fall back on the chair with a sigh. "You have to do it."

Connie tenses up more than she should have. "What?"

"I'm not close to him like you are. It'll be weird if I just show up like, 'hey this is random, but why don't you talk about all your bottled up feelings and insecurities'. He told _you_ all this. You have to talk to him."

"But he doesn't want to talk."

"Then make him talk."

"But that's not how it works. I can't just force him to. That would make things worse," Connie feels her throat start to close up. "Then he'd actually hate me."

Lapis looks taken aback. Her mouth is open like she's about to speak, but she stops, looking over at the wall to think about her words first. "I've seen the way he acts around you. He really cares about you. How could he possibly hate you?"

Lapis sounded sincere now. It felt weird. Had Lapis ever been sincere with her before? It had always been sass and not calling Connie by name. 

"Steven cares about everyone," Connie says dismissively.

"But it's different with you."

Connie feels the blood rising to her face, but she shakes it off. _This isn't the time._

"But all I've done is make things worse," Connie thinks back to her failed attempt to try and help Steven. How she'd been able to do nothing but watch him spiral downwards. "Anything I try fails miserably and only seems to make him more closed off. There are so many things I've want to ask, but I don't. I didn't want him to push me away, but-" she stopped, realizing she was contradicting herself again. "I guess that happened anyways."

Connie buries her face with her hands, pressing her palms against her eyes. She let out a groan, trying to vent her frustration. 

"Ugh, this is stupid," Connie lets her hands fall forcefully to her lap. "Why can't I just talk to people? Why do I have to be so weird about it?"

Lapis clicks her tongue, smirking a bit. "Guess you must have been pretty desperate if your coming to me."

There silence between for a bit, but it's broken quickly as Lapis let's out a snort, failing to stifle her laughter. Connie finds herself laughing too. It's quiet laughter, both of them knowing it shouldn't be funny, but they laugh anyway.

"I should talk to him," Connie says, collecting herself again. "But- not yet. At least not today."

Connie glances outside, seeing the sky turning orange. She pulled her phone from her sweater pocket, switching it on to check the time.

"I should be getting home soon," She says getting up.

"You didn't get to talk to Peridot though."

"I can come back tomorrow. It was nice to talk to you though," Connie said as stood up and grabbed her bag off the floor.

"So are things better between us?" Lapis asks, picking up the spring she ruined from under the desk.

"They weren't really bad, but I guess we're good." Connie smiled. 

Lapis didn't smile though. "But I did horrible things before. I was horrible to you, I took the world's ocean. And things didn't really get much better from there. This isn't a forgive and forget type thing.". 

"We might not forget, but you're trying to be better. We can at least forgive."

Connie had tried to look past that stuff before, but it was always hard. She always felt on edge with Lapis before, and sometimes with the other gems. Knowing they were do powerful compared to her. Lapis had been able to turn the entire ocean into a pillar stretching far into space. Connie didn't stand a chance against someone with that power.

She felt bizarre that she hardly looked at them as people. They had thoughts and feelings and personalities. She'd been too out if touch with the other gems. She probably wouldn't even know any of them if it wasn't for Steven, but she should at least start to make the effort to know the others better. 

Maybe it would be easier to think about interpersonal relationships when there wasn't the threat of war on the horizon.

"Tomorrow then?" Lapis extended her hand for a handshake. She hadn't seemed to understand handshakes when Connie had offered her hand earlier but looked to be trying it now.

Connie takes her hand. It feels cold. Gems didn't really give off body heat. They don't need to stay warm. Just another thing that put the gems in a different league. 

She chased the thought away. Combat capabilities are irrelevant right now. They were just talking. 

"Tomorrow."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I got some random idea in the middle of the night and now I've pretty much rewritten my entire outline. Just bare with me.
> 
> I don't know if I'm getting somewhere or just pulling everyone too far out of character.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So it's been a while. 
> 
> I would had this out a lot sooner, but then a lot of stuff came up, and before I knew it I hadn't updated in like a month and Steven universe future is out. I'm still thinking jasper can be a villain so I'm just gonna keep going with that.

Steven had stopped by Rose’s fountain, just to see if it was really still the same as before. And it was, the fountain was still free of vines and the surrounding area was mostly cleared as well. The marble was in better condition than he remembered, knowing it had been replaced and repaired some time back as an attempt at preserving it. But the wasn’t really the most popular destination. It had been vacant when he’d gotten there. Maybe it'd become a place that no one really wanted to come to unless they had to. 

Everything was still fine, so it really was just his subconscious going to great lengths to torture him. Steven was about to leave, not wanting to spend much more time next to the healing pool that didn’t work for him. But on his way out, he stops in front of one of the statues of Rose. The statues had mostly been left alone, maybe cleaned up a bit, but still cracked and worn from age. It held what looked like a withered flower, head bowed and looking remorseful with its eyes shut. 

The longer he stared at that sad face, the more it seemed forced and unnatural. He wondered if those feelings were ever genuine and if Rose ever did feel that kind of sorrow for another person. After all the things Rose had done, after all the people she'd cut from her life without hesitation. Did she ever really care?

He thought back to when he idolized Rose, wanting to be good enough to live up to her legacy. Looking past her mistakes and look for any sort of excuse for her actions, but he'd run out of excuses for her a while ago. After every horrible thing she'd left behind for him to deal with, and all the people she'd left behind. The whole empire she left behind. 

Steven had wanted nothing more but to grow up and live up to the expectations of everyone else. And now he wanted nothing more than to go back. Go back to being a kid who didn't know any better. Who didn't have any idea of how bad things could go wrong. Now gem society was ready to crumble from the inside out and there was nothing he could do about it. 

He felt his throat closing up and his vision started to blur. He wiped his eyes on his sleeves before they had a chance to spill across his face, rubbing them until they were dry. He turned on his heel and heads straight for the warp pad. There would have been no one there to see him cry, but he wasn’t about to cry in front of that statue.

~

He kept forgetting what day of the week it was. Maybe if he didn’t pay attention he could forget time existed entirely, and maybe forget the seconds ticking away. Steven stayed in his room mostly, finding some mind-numbing activity to do to avoid sleep, or rehearsing something to say to Connie for the hundredth time now. He regretted everything he'd said the moment the words had left his mouth. He needed to apologize, but what could say after all that. And at the same time the longer he waited the more it would seem like he was just mad at her. Or maybe she was mad at him. She’d have good reason to hate him for it. 

Honestly, Steven preferred Connie hating him rather than her feeling sorry for him. It was a weird feeling, and he felt bad for it. He couldn’t get the words together for a call, and he definitely didn’t have the guts to text her about it. She didn’t text him either. 

For now, he sat on the couch, strumming through different chords on the ukulele. He wasn't sure what he was trying to do with it. He certainly didn’t have the attention span for a song. Instead, he strummed aimlessly, maybe if he kept going he'd find something that stuck. It was weird. It didn’t feel the same playing it now as it did before. Not the same satisfaction of finding the right melody, or the joy of finishing something that he was really proud of. Now he just let his fingers flick limply over the strings, going through cords and old melodies like a robot. He was forcing himself to try and feel something for it again. 

Maybe he thought he could get himself lost in the music and be able to forget the world around him for just a few moments, but he just couldn’t. The thought of the rebellion always found its way back to him. There were so many more important things happening. The gems didn’t want him to worry, thinking he had enough to worry about, but it was obvious things weren’t at all under control. How could he just stand by and do nothing? He knew everything was going to crap, but he needed to know what exactly was happening. The uncertainty of it all made him feel like he was losing his sanity. 

Funny that the corruption was never the first thing on his mind. The only thing he could worry about was the effect it had on everyone else. The thought of what would happen to him didn't seem to faze him as much. He didn't think about it all really. Any time he did it would lead to the stranger thoughts, like thinking that this what he deserved. He wasn't able to help those who still needed him, and even if he was out there to deal with the rebellion, who's to say he would just make everything worse. 

He didn't want to tell anyone about it. It would just lead to the same conversation about not being responsible for all the problems his mom caused and how he can't always save everyone. But it was less about feeling responsible because of his mom. It was more about feeling responsible because he knew he could have done something to help. 

He finally decided to give it a rest after realizing he'd just been zoning out and staring at the floorboards. He set the ukulele on the coffee table, taking more effort than it should have to not throw it. Just then the door swung open, giving Steven a bit of a shock. Every little thing seemed to set him off, sending him into a quick panic before rationality kicked in again and told him there was nothing wrong. Greg walks in holding a bag from the big donut. 

"Hey schtu-ball," He said shutting the door behind him. "You holding up okay in here?"

As well as he could for now. "Yeah I'm good," Steven replied, not finding the energy for a smile. "Probably getting cabin fever at this point."

"Well, there’s nothing stopping you from going out," his dad gave a small smile, trying to bring in some sort of optimism. 

"Anything other than this," Steven said, gesturing to his face. He was sure the spots of pink had continued to spread his face, but he'd hadn't really looked in a mirror. He didn't want to see how bad things were getting. 

"Uh…" the smile turned awkward. "I brought donuts."

"Oh, I'm not really hungry."

"You sure?"

The truth was that Steven had been starting to feel somewhat nauseous lately and the thought of sugary donuts didn’t help with that. 

Greg took a seat on the couch next to Steven, not saying anything at first. He obviously wanted to say something, hoping Steven would finally talk about what was happening lately, but Steven already knew what was coming. 

"So, about Jasper-"

"I already said it's fine now," Steven said. It was too quick an answer, too obvious that he was trying to steer away from it. 

"It's just it seems that something like that-"

Steven threw his head back and let out a large groan, cutting Greg off again. 

"Steven please, I really think this is something you should talk about. If it really was-"

"She's in the temple, and she's not going to hurt anyone else. What else is there to say?"

"All that stuff happened with Jasper, and then this corruption stuff right after. Don't you think they could be connected."

"It's not her." That was the only thing he knew for sure. 

"But it had to have still been something- traumatic."

"Traumatic near-death experiences aren't really anything new for me," Steven knew he was sounding too indifferent to all of this, but maybe if he kept it up his dad might chalk it up to teenage angst and brooding. 

"Well then maybe you should talk about some of those other things too. You really shouldn't keep those things bottled up."

"There’s nothing to say, ‘cause I'm not bottling it up."

"You can't honestly say that none of that bothers you."

"So what if does?" Steven said, immediately regretting his tone of voice. "How can I be talking about my _feelings_ when there's all that rebellion stuff going on. Everything falling apart and I'm sitting here doing _nothing_."

He sighed. "The only thing I feel right now is tired."

There was a bit of a pause before Greg spoke up again. "So I guess you still haven't been sleeping well."

Steven just let out a small groan.

"It always seemed like his powers were tied to your feelings and emotions. Maybe if-"

"Yeah, like that's gonna help with this." Steven was sick of his powers being tied to his feelings. Now he'd rather not feel at all. 

"But you don't know if-"

"Well _you_ don't know anything either!" Steven snapped, hearing his voice echo through the house. 

He let his gaze drop to the floor, realizing he'd been shouting. What was wrong with him? Would it really kill him to just talk?

_It might as well._

"I'm- I'm sorry, I didn't mean to yell. I just- I wasn't- I…" Steven fumbled over his words for a bit before he suddenly stood up and walked quickly towards the stairs. 

"Steven, wait," Greg called behind him, but Steven was already heading up the steps. He didn't stop until he was up to his room and threw himself onto his bed, shoving his face into his pillow. 

What was wrong with him? How had he turned into a pessimistic piece of crap so quickly? And now all he seemed to be able to do was push away the people who tried to help him most. 

Before he’d spent so much time trying to act as if the corruption didn’t faze him as much as it really did. Trying so hard to try and act normal. But at this point, his normal self seemed like a completely different person. Looking back at himself just a few weeks back, still carefree and clueless as to what was to come, he desperately wanted to be like that again. 

It’s not like he was trying to get better or try to find something to help with the corruption. What was the point anyways? They didn’t have any options left and there wasn’t much they could really do when they don’t even know why the corruption was happening. How could they come close to coming up with a solution if no one knew what the heck was happening? 

Now he was too tired to pretend anymore. He was too tired to get his hopes up on any new ideas. He was too tired to try and think of anything else that would work, or get himself to try anything else.

He heard Greg moving downstairs. It had been a while and it didn't seem like he would be coming up the stairs, which he was grateful for. He didn't think he'd be able to say much more without falling apart again. Venturing further would just result in tears and anger he couldn't explain.

~

He couldn’t breathe, the pressure on his throat keeping him from getting air in and out. He kept his eyes shut tight, not bothering to struggle anymore. He could still hear that voice. The words are muffled and he can’t make them out anymore, but he still knows who it is. 

He cracks his eyes open a bit, trying to focus on the blurred orange figure him up. He could barely see enough to meet jasper in the eyes. Eyes filled with anger and frustration, and maybe a bit of confusion and betrayal. She still speaking to him, and it’s getting harder to make out what she says through the ringing he heard in his ears.

"The diamonds only listen to you because they think your pink diamond. You use her status to dismantle everything. You are a disgrace to the diamond authority. You might have her gem, but you are _not_ my diamond."

Steven struggled in her grip. His hands grasping at her arm, pulling himself up so that all his weight wasn't resting on his neck. But even that was a struggle, his gem strength had completely disappeared now.

"Can't you really be so naive as to think that everyone is ready to just accept you turning everything going on its head? You've completely changed everything about their lives. You've been so oblivious with your Era of peace that you can't see what's been happening right in front of you."

His powers still didn’t work. It didn’t make any sense. There shouldn’t have been anything wrong. It wasn’t like when spinel hit him with the rejuvenator. Back then his powers just seemed to be fluctuating. Now there was nothing. He tried desperately to pull up a bubble. A shield. Something. _Anything_. 

"Did you think we would all just accept that all those years of war were for nothing? Do you know how many gems were shattered for this planet?"

Through his blurred vision, he can see Jasper's helmet forming. He shuts his eyes, bracing for impact, but it doesn’t come. The pressure on his neck disappears, but he doesn't have the chance to take a breath before he smacks against the ground, knocking out whatever breath he had left. He gets in a sharp breath, but it's cut short but coughing. For a few moments, it's a battle against a coughing fit to get air into his lungs. 

He hears a voice calling out to him. Through his jagged breathing, he manages to look up to see peridot running towards him. He tries to piece together what he's seeing. Jaspers gem on the floor next to him, along with a metal rod, rods that had been used for construction in little homeworld. 

Peridot had found him. She saw Jasper attacking, and didn't hesitate to use a large price of metal as a weapon. 

Peridot runs up to him, shouting something he couldn't make out. The ringing in his ears got louder and louder until he couldn't even hear his own labored breathing. He tries to speak, but no words come out. Just another coughing fit. What could he say that she hadn't already seen?

The ringing was too loud to be normal. He shut his eyes tight, doing all he could to focus on breathing, but the ringing just got louder. He already couldn't hear anything else but know he could feel anything else. It seemed to drown out his other senses. He tried to shake his head, trying to ground himself, but he couldn't tell if he was even moving. He couldn't tell if he was still breathing. He couldn't feel anything. He just felt numb. 

Then without any warning, the ringing stops, leaving him in numb silence. But it doesn't last long as his senses rush back to him all at once. His breathing was quick and sharp and burned in his lungs. He was hit with another wave of cold and felt his heart pounding in his ears, faster than he thought possible. 

Steven sat himself up, thinking it might be easier to breathe. It was too dark to really make out his surroundings, but he comes to the conclusion that he was still in his room. It was just a dream and he was back in his room. He knew it was just a dream. Of course it was. 

He found he was on the floor next to his bed, probably having thrown himself off in his sleep. He started to feel dizzy. Was he hyperventilating? His breaths were still jagged and short and he struggled to get a deep breath. He brings his hand up to his face, wiping sweat from his forehead, only to have something cold and sharp brush against his cheek. He jerks back in alarm, trying to make out whatever it was in the low light. He sees his arm, dark pink patches running all the way down. But there was another arm directly under it. Completely pink and scaley, with crystal claws at the fingertips. 

Steven gets up to his feet, trying to get away from it, but the arm seems to follow him. It takes a few moments through the continued to realize that it was his own arm, poking out from a hole in the side of his shirt. He looked over to his other side to see another arm. 

He stared at both of them for a bit, finding he could move them just as easily as his normal arms, which only added to the panic that was rising in him again. Was the corruption spreading faster? It had to have been if he was able to grow another pair of arms overnight. He gets himself to stop staring at all four of his palms and heads straight for the stairs, making a beeline for the bathroom. He swings the door open and turns on the light before he has a chance to even think about turning away. 

This had to have been the first time in a while that he really had a good look at himself, and it definitely did not look good. The patches of pink scales spreading over most of his face now, and the horns had grown significantly, impossible to ignore as they protruded through his hair. The pink in his diamond eyes was glowing, clearly visible despite the bright light of the bathroom. He was able to get a better look at the new arms too, seeing they were completely covered in pink scales with a line of small spikes running up from his wrists. 

Steven slips out of the bathroom, feeling he’d seen enough. He stands in the living room for a while, just flexing his fingers over and over, seeing how easy it was to move these new limbs he’d only really had for a few minutes. He glances over at the coffee table, seeing his phone next to his ukulele, right where he’d left it the day before. 

He really should call someone. Things were getting worse and they should know sooner rather than later. Pearl kept telling him that he really should call her if he needed anything or something went wrong, and something was definitely wrong. But then again, if he did call, there still wouldn’t be anything anyone could do about. All it would do was send everyone into even more of a panic, and that was definitely the last thing they needed. Yet, if he didn’t call, everyone would still find out eventually and just ask a ton of questions on why he didn’t tell them sooner. 

He sighs and picks up the phone. Better get all that over with sooner rather than later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dialogue tags are the new bane of my existence. 
> 
> I'm gonna try to get more chapters out before Steven universe future has a chance to completely invalidate this theory, so yeah.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back to the angst. I'm throwing in some fluff for now, but just... don't get too comfortable.
> 
> Also, Connie still hasn't shown up in Steven Universe Future yet, and if she doesn't show up soon I'm going to lose it.

Connie glared at her phone screen as if it had done something to personally offend her. And it might as well have. Calling wasn't much of an option since she was so sure she would have hung up as soon as she dialed. But at the same time text messages seemed a little too informal, and written words could be taken different ways since you can't tell what tone they're speaking in. 

She shook her head, telling herself to stop analyzing every little thing. She’d already put off talking to him for so long now, and she couldn’t go on like this forever. She typed quickly and pressed send before her anxiety had a chance to stop her.

_hey_

Connie immediately wanted to kick herself. More than a week with no contact and the only thing she could say was "hey". So _stupid_. She couldn't just waltz in and try to pretend nothing happened, that the period of silence was no big deal. 

She shoved her face into one of the pillows on the couch, just wishing to disappear until her phone chimed and vibrated in her hand. 

_hey_

That was a quicker reply then she thought. She wasn't ready for a response so quickly and was suddenly drawing a blank as to anything she had wanted to say. She didn't have much time to panic over words when he phone vibrated again. 

_do you think you could over tomorrow?_

She stared at the screen for a bit. What was the best thing to say? What was the best response so that it would seem like she was dying to talk to him?

_Ok._ Too lazy.

_Alright._ No, sounds too forced.

_Yeah, sure._ Why does that sound sarcastic?

After a minute or two of typing and erasing and overanalyzing simple phrases, steven sends another message before she has a chance to get out some sort of response. 

_I think we need to talk, but it needs to be face to face_

There was definitely a lot to talk about, but what was it he needed to say specifically. That the corruption had gotten too bad so he was leaving somewhere and wasn't coming back? Connie didn’t want to have to wait and have the uncertainty keep her up all night. She glances at the clock. There was enough time to make it there and back before curfew. 

She types before anxiety has a chance to get her to change her mind.

_be there in 15_

~

She walked quickly across the sand, trying not to break into a run. There was no hurry, just time to talk. Time to talk after no interactions for a while but still time to talk. It didn’t matter that Connie didn’t have anything she would be able to say to him, she just needed to listen to whatever it was Steven had to say. No expectations. 

But her mind still went a mile a minute. She was still expecting to hear that Steven was too far gone, that he had to go sooner or later and she should get a chance to talk to him before he can’t talk at all. Or maybe it wasn’t Steven at all and it was one of the gems using his phone as a way of not knowing how to break the news. 

The thought made her stop. The beach house was in sight. Just a bit further and she’d finally see which of the devastating scenarios in her head was the right one. A new sense of dread filled up in her stomach and she felt more and more regret build up. She should have come sooner. Should have said something sooner. Should have gone right back the first night instead of uselessly wondering on the beach. 

Connie shook her head. _Should have, should have, should have._ She needed to stop that. What happened has happened. Maybe it was dumb and could have been resolved sooner if she hadn’t let all her weird emotions take control. But all that matters now is that she had the chance to talk to him now and get everything straight, but that was never going to happen if she turned back now.

Ignoring the pounding of her heart the steady stream of adrenaline and anxiety coursing through her, she finally found the ability to move her legs again and continue walking to the house. No turning back. Especially not now.

She walks right up the stairs, feeling her stomach tie into tighter knots with every step. But she didn't stop or even slow down. She was ready to head straight for the door and not listen to any part of her brain telling her not to.

She makes it to the top of the step and is about to walk over to the door, but before she gets close it swings open and a blue figure walks out, holding a box filled with bits of machinery and equipment.

"Lapis wait," a nasally voice called after her. "There are still other tests to run."

"And you can still do them tomorrow."

"But he had an entirely new development overnight,” Peridot sounded panicked as she came through the doorway, “Who knows how much he could change again by tomorrow."

"Don't you think you've run enough tests today?” Lapis sounded agitated now. “We've been here for hours, give Steven some space already."

"Alright, alright, just be careful with those."

"I got it, okay."

Lapis turned to head down the steps but stopped as she just now noticed Connie standing there.

The blue gem smirked a bit. "Well look who decided to get their crap together."

"Uh, hey," Connie stared at the equipment in the box. "Is this a bad time?"

"Yes," Peridot said bluntly, earning an elbow from Lapis.

"Well, it could be going better if we hadn’t been up in his hair all day. He might not be in the best mood right now, but you should still go up and talk to him."

Lapis made her way down the stairs, followed by Peridot who was pulling a screen on some handheld device, mumbling something Connie could make out. 

Connie stood next to the door for a bit. The two had left in a bit of a rush and hadn't closed the door behind them. She looked inside to find the living room empty. It didn't feel right to just waltz inside so she knocked on the door frame. 

"Hello?" She called.

She heard footsteps coming down the stairs, light and quick. Connie poked her head inside to see Pearl on the stairs.

"Oh, Connie. I uh, didn't expect to see you so soon," Pearl said while wringing her hands. Pearl had never seemed to be able to hide her nerves and seemed to be trying to hide something. 

That didn't help at all "I sent a text, but if this isn't the best time I could back later, or tomorrow, or-"

"No wait," a voice called from inside the house. Connie came through the doorway to see Steven coming down the steps. "You already came all the way over here."

As expected, the corruption had definitely gotten worse. The pink hide had spread a lot, but she couldn't really process how much it had spread since her attention was grabbed immediately by the new set of arms sticking out from two holes on either side of his shirt, completely pink lines of crystal spikes. 

He makes it to the bottom of the steps, stopping in front of her and looking like he was hoping for some sort of reaction. Connie realized she'd been gawking at it for a bit and tried to get herself to speak, but only a strange squeak comes out. She clears and throat and tries again.

"Well, that's new."

~

They'd gone up to Steven's room, Pearl saying they should probably have the time to talk by themselves. That only set Connie spiraling more about whatever the heck Steven wanted to say. 

She walked behind him on the stairs, worrying he’d be in just as bad of a state as he was the last time she was here, maybe thinking he’d collapse again on the stairs again as the corruption became too much for him to handle. 

But he was fine. He showed no signs of struggle or difficulty or discomfort. In fact, he seemed a bit more energetic then she had seen him since the corruption had started. It was strange to see him flip back like this when things seemed to be getting worse. But maybe it was him putting on some facade like she had been putting up. Maybe he needed some sort of pseudo confidence to tell her to finally talk to her about the corruption and what plans they had for how to try and deal with it. 

Now they sat on his bed, Steven staring at the wall and Connie trying not to stare at Steven's new arms. How long had he been like this? Peridot was saying stuff about some sort of new developments forming overnight, so maybe it hadn’t been that long. Maybe it was spreading faster. How fast could it be spread if he was able to grow a pair of arms in one night?

“So,” Steven speaks up, finally bringing Connie’s attention from his arms. “About the last time you were here… I’m really sorry. I don’t know what was wrong with me. I guess I was just really tired, but that’s not an excuse.”

“What?” 

“I said that you shouldn’t have to spend so much time worrying about me. I thought that it would be for the best, but I guess it just made you worry more. But then I thought it sounded more like I just didn’t want you here, and that’s not what I meant at all," Steven finally met her eyes. His eyes were wide and showed some sort of new energy, but the dark circles contradicted it. Was he sleeping or not?

"So I thought that I should have said something to say and explain myself," He continued. "But I was so sure that you hated me for what I said and didn’t want to hear my excuses. I just wanted you to know that I'm sorry, and you still have every right to be mad."

Connie didn't speak right away, her mind still processing. It takes a bit for the words to fumble out. "You- you thought I was mad at _you_?"

"Well… yeah."

"But I- I thought _you_ were mad at _me_. I thought it was something I did and you needed the time to be by yourself."

"What? Why would I ever be mad at you?"

"I- I don't really know," Connie started wringing her hands together and tried to speak more clearly. "Maybe I thought I was getting up in your space all the time. The gems seemed really busy dealing with the new rebellion and I thought that you might want someone to stay with you since you're going through the corruption. But I guess it might have started to feel like I was just there to watch you and make sure nothing went wrong. I guess was acting more like a babysitter."

"I didn't mean that," Steven said quickly. "I wanted you to stay, but it felt selfish to want you to stay all the time, so I thought it would have been better for you if you didn't stay at all."

He let out a sigh and looks off to the side, avoiding eye contact again. "I keep telling myself I should be alone, that's it's better to deal with all this by myself. But I just didn't want anyone else to have to deal with me. This is _my_ problem, so _I'm_ the one who has to deal with it. I don't really want to be alone right now but..."

His voice starts to quiver. "I just don't want to hurt anyone else."

Connie puts a hand on his shoulder. She didn't know if Steven was referring to anyone in particular. Connie couldn't have known about whatever gems he faced and wouldn't listen. She knew she couldn't understand what he's had to go through, but for now, she would be here for him, ready to listen for when he wanted to talk about it. 

_If he ever talks about it._

A few more moments of silence before Connie speaks up again, trying to steer the conversation to something else. It was probably something he wasn't up to talk about if he was so vague about it. "So, uh, how long have you had the arms?"

"Well…" Steven seemed a bit hesitant. He let out a sigh and pressed on anyway. "I kinda just woke up today like this. I felt like I should tell you, but I didn't really know how to bring it up after we hadn't been talking. But then you texted me first, and I thought it would be better for we said this stuff in person."

"Did you really think I didn't want to talk to you?" He drove the conversation right back. "I really wanted to say something and apologize for reacting the way I did. I shouldn't have just told you to give up, and I should have said any of that other stuff either. I shouldn't have yelled at you either."

"You yelled at me?" Connie questioned, thinking back to that argument. 

He paused. "Well- I raised my voice."

There's a bit more silence before Connie let's out a small snort, failing to stifle her laughter again. This shouldn't be funny, yet here she was, trying and failing to stop laughing. Steven really did blame himself for everything, didn't he?

"Are you okay?" Steven asked, looking confused. 

"I'm okay, it's just-" she said through a new fit of giggles. She tried her best to stop laughing, knowing she probably seemed inconsiderate now. "Don't you think you've done enough apologizing? We all say some dumb things, but you don't need to say sorry for every little thing. I'm the one who should be apologizing and I haven't even got a chance to do that yet with you going on and on."

Steven stared at her for a moment as Connie kept biting her lips to try and stop smiling. A smirk started to pull at the corners of his mouth, and he made a weird sound of choking back a giggle before bursting out laughing. 

And like that Connie was laughing out loud, almost forgetting what was so funny. Now she smiled from Steven's laugh. She didn’t realize how much she loved that sound until she was deprived of it. When was the last time he laughed? When was the last time he smiled? A _genuine_ smile?

Steven started to double over from laughing so hard, leaning against Connie’s arm and trying to catch his breath. “Man, what’s wrong with me,” he said, finally being able to speak again.

Connie wrapped her arm around him, still too out of breath to say much else, just thinking that he needed more comfort than just letting him laugh at himself. She closed her eyes and pulled him closer, ignoring the feeling of the small spikes running up his arm. 

They both leaned into each other, realizing how they’d both missed the other’s embrace, and just being with each other. They opened their eyes, wiping the tears that still filled the vision and letting out a sigh. They look down, but they only saw one pair of legs. Next to their feet were Connie’s shoes and Steven’s jacket, clothing that didn’t fit them. 

The realization hit. They fused. They let themselves flop back on the bad, laughing again, Stevonnie just loving the feeling of being themself. When was the last time they were together like this? Maybe it had been that day on homeworld, fusing by accident and getting everyone poofed. Maybe they had been worried they would ruin everything again so quickly. 

Another realization. The corruption, being forgotten to the wave of euphoria. They brought their arms up to look at them, all four of them. Two completely scaley and pink, the other two covered in the patches of pink. 

_Crap_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How does one write about interpersonal relationships when you also aren't really sure how those relationships work. I fell like I'm just defaulting to what I would do; not talk to them like an idiot and constantly overthink text messages. I don't know what that says about me other than I need to figure out my life and my writing.


End file.
